So Salman Khan confessed on one of the gayest and my most favourite shows 'Koffee With Karan' a fortnight ago that he is indeed, still a virgin. What might come as a shock and a blatant lie to many, strikes me as an honest, straight-from-the-heart confession on the contrary. Why is it so hard for you people to believe he's a virgin? He's probably the biggest virgin among the all of us, and I'm proud of him.
Still don't believe me? Read on, you judgemental pricks.
1. Having Govinda as your wingman means the end of your sex life...before it even begins.
The cool dupatta swinging doesn't help either!
2. His pants ALWAYS stay up, even while dancing on their own.
Talk about getting caught with your pants down...NEVER!
3. He pursues a woman with true conviction and is always very subtle and discreet about it.
Smooth, baby. Smooth.
4. Most women can't stand the sight of his innocent, pink lipstick-smothered face.
SHY IS COMING! SHY IS COMING!
5. Reacts awkwardly when a girl even looks at him.
6. Seriously, look at that awkwardness!
7. Aaaaaaaaannnnnd.....JIZZ IN MY PANTS.
8. Always checks out his soulmate from a distance and shyly walks away.
Not before signalling her to come watch the moon.
9. Immediately friendzones any woman who smiles at him.
Wanna make fraaandships? It's not a choice, bitch.
10. Is unaware of the concept of foreplay.
"What the fuck am i supposed to do NOW?"
11. Enjoys ridiculous hobbies during his free time, like entertaining Anil Kapoor on his shoulders.
Um...yeah.
12. Also enjoys dancing shirtless with sexually confused boys, and singing into a gaming headset.
13. Makes sure he is surrounded by at least 547 people while dancing to a duet with his lady love.
14. Enjoys simple things like watching the moon with his girlfriend, like for 4.5 hours.
15. Finds unimaginable happiness in smacking a mandolin(?) instead of a woman's buttocks.
The next best thing to watching the moon.
16. And...umm...YEAH.
17. Thinks booty shaking is a way to get the ladies.
You're doing it wrong, Salman.
18. Chooses to stick to cycling with his lady love in a deserted, romantic, beautiful forest.
You know, he never loses an opportunity!
19. Still believes in 'katti-batti'.
Sure to drive all the girls crazy. The little girls. The REALLY little girls.
20. His fingering skills are below average to say the least.
Still doing it wrong, Salman!
STILL DON'T BELIEVE HE'S A VIRGIN?
