The True 'Lier' of Pop Culture: Vennu Mallesh

Every other day there's a new brand, a new product, or a new star, vying for our attention. Marketers try to come up with new catch-phrases, 'revolutionary' ideas and campaigns to stand out from the crowd, but continue to add to the clutter. While everyone is trying to the best, there are a handful of geniuses who believe in creating something so bad, that it's good. And there you have it, the genesis of 'Very Good Bad'.

It must suck to be Vennu Mallesh. Or so we think. If you don't know who Vennu is, I seriously don't know which planet you are living in. If you still don't know, Vennu Mallesh is the genius behind probably the greatest song ever composed about life, 'It's my life what ever I wanna do.' Vennu became an overnight sensation with his profound video crossing over 3 million views on YouTube. You've really seen nothing until you see this:

Shot in the same style as Dhanush's 'Why this Kolaveri Di', this song changed the lives of millions of people all over the world, with its heartfelt lyics such as 'I always search good in bad...I also search bad in good' having a much deeper meaning than 90% of song lyrics these days.

On the surface of it all, there are about a 1435672 grammatical errors, sentence formation errors and spelling mistakes. Above all, the song doesn't make any sense. But wait, neither did 2001: A Space Odyssey or any of David Lynch's movies. However, both of the aforementioned works have a very niche audience who appreciate experimental and symbolic film-making. The rest never gave a fuck. So how exactly did Vennu manage to go viral and get the entire world to sing his song?

Yeah. That happened.

To explain the Vennu phenomenon, you must understand the concept of marketing and the 'culture code'. The concept of a 'culture code' was devised by Clotaire Rapaille, one of the world's most renowned marketing specialists. He is known for advising the world's biggest politicians, advertisers and brands on how to influence people's unconscious decision making.

Rapaille, based on his highly secret methods of consumer research, comes up with a 'code', maybe a word or set of words that have the power to subconsciously influence people's decisions. Instead of asking  what people want, he focuses on the why. He identifies a 'collective cultural unconscious' that consists of unstated needs and wants of people in a certain culture, and provides the code that will sub-consciously force the consumer to desire and want the particular product or service that the code is meant for.

Trying to follow Rapaille's footsteps, most advertisers and marketers have fallen flat on their faces with dismal failures. However, there are a very few set of people who have been successful. Vennu Mallesh is one of them. Hell, he's probably the most successful of them all.

While Rapaille comes up with one 'code word' in order to lure potential consumers, Vennu's sensational single has code words in almost every sentence of the lyrics. What might appear as ridiculous is sub-consciously striking a chord with our Reptilian Brain, the home of all of our intrinsic instincts. Take the following excerpt of the lyrics for example:

'My teacher scolds me that I neglect education,

She don't know I collect real education.'

Each and every one of us has always felt like 'another brick in the wall' because of high school education, or even college for that instance. The society, including our teachers, relatives and above all our own parents for that matter continue to drill it into our system that a traditional education is mandatory to be successful. But how does that explain the fact that most successful people are school dropouts? Vennu says it as it is, with pathetic yet honest choice of words. But that's exactly the point, the poor English is another sub-conscious effort to attack your Reptilian Brain. And admit it, it's worked like a charm. Every. Single. Word.

Or sample the penultimate verse, with profoundness in every single word:

I always search Good in Bad...
I also search Bad in Good.....

I have no words. How can two simple sentences with incorrect English have so much depth in them?

Much like his legendary predecessors such as Sam Anderson and T.Rajendar, Vennu is often misjudged and mistaken to be retarded. But go through his Facebook posts, and you'll know that he's a highly intelligent, culturally aware, no-nonsense individual with influences deeply rooted in pop culture.

Do the words seem familiar? They're a rehashed version of the tagline of 'Social Network'.

If this man writes his own copy, Ogilvy should hire him like right now. And it's an honor to know that he is inspired by one of the greatest TV shows ever made, Breaking Bad. Or should I say, #BreakingGoodBad.

And the world goes crazy:

Sometimes, it is difficult to explain these intangible forces that surround us, influencing us every now and then without us even knowing that the forces exist. We might make fun of Vennu, call him an inbred or a retard, a mutation, but we're the ones getting fooled. It's like he's The Dark Knight, inflicting pain upon himself, sacrificing everything for the sake of a greater good. You can love him, you can hate him, but you can never ignore him. 

I believe Steve Jobs said the following words just to describe Vennu Mallesh:

"Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

PS: Don't believe me. I'm a true liar.

I am the Pseudo-Middle Class.

I was never poor. Neither was I ever rich.

I am a child of the working class. I am the one with a childhood spent on convincing my Father to buy me a tennis ball. I am the one who failed most of the times due to unsatisfactory persuasion skills.

I am the one who grew up listening to The Backstreet Boys, then Blue, then Linkin Park and Eminem and delved into Metallica, Eagles, Cream, Led Zeppelin and saw the rich kids listening to lyric-less Disco music. I am the one who watched them buy the iPod, when I had saved enough to buy a cassette-playing Walkman.

I am the one who wasn't allowed to go for movies with my rich friends till the 10th grade. I am the one who had to lie in order to do the same. I am the one who got caught, and slapped across the face for aspiring.

I am the one who watched a rich friend of mine gifted a cell phone in 2000 when I thought it was only for aristocrats who attend weekly business meetings overseas. I was the one who asked my parents for a cell phone 5 years later and got laughed at. And then glared at.

I am the one who could not study what I wanted to. I am the one who fell into the engineering trap, like so many of my brothers. I am the one who stuck through it all and spent years trying to fix those years of obsoletion. I am the one who watched scores of others who were rich enough to study what I wanted to. I am the one who watched them flush double the amount of educational funds down the drain where my dreams went downstream.

I am the one who watched peers who hardly passed any of the college courses, who knew hardly any English, go on to study further in London, Manchester, Rochester, San Francisco, Austin, New York, Los Angeles and even Miami. I am the one who asked the same people the capital of The United States and watched most of them answer incorrectly. I am the one who still can't really afford to study abroad. I am the one who watches pictures of distant friends on Facebook going to Mardi Gras without being able to pronounce it.

I am the one who tries saving up for NH7 Weekender and fails, and the one who watches people flock to a Deadmau5 concert, pronouncing it as 'Dead Maw 5'.

I am the one who tries to peer through dark tinted windows of the Jaguars and the Audis and the BMWs while sitting on my 125cc motorbike, being punished by the Sun for not being rich.

I am the one who marvels at brilliantly made iPhone commercials on Youtube through the cracked screen of my Micromax that has a mind of its own. I am the one who tries to place the charging point of the phone in a particular 33-degree angle, because it won't charge otherwise. I am the one who can't afford to buy a phone at the moment.

I am the one who is awestruck watching continuous episodes of Mad Men, in the hopes of becoming a tenth of the person Don Draper is. I am the one who tries to crack the code in advertising to make someone else rich. I am the one who makes just enough to make ends meet, and I never do. I am the one who gets stuck with 400 bucks for the last ten days of the month. I am the one who tries to crack a marketing campaign based on my situation, again to make someone else rich.

I am the one who buys the cheap whiskey. I am the one who can't afford a drink inside a club on a regular basis. I am the one who wants to lose weight but can't afford Subway more than once or twice a week. I am the one who cannot afford a decent gym membership.

I am the one who is directly affected by the price rise. I am the one who cries over paying 12 bucks for a 10 buck-Coke, because I want to enjoy it cold.

I am the one who looks down upon the poor, but become one of them by the 25th of every month.

I am the one who wishes for more hours a day to do something productive. I am the one who watches others while away their days in lounges and bars and video game parlours or under a tree getting stoned throughout the day.

I am the one who watches the rich pay dowry equal to the combined net worth of five of my lifetimes. I am the one who watches the rich fight in bars. I am the one who watches the obese kids order a Happy Meal with a frown on their face.

I am the one who watches old classmates celebrate their birthdays in yachts in Bombay and on cruises in Bangkok. I am the one who saves up for 2 months to backpack across one of the poorest countries in the world.

I am the one with the dreams. I am the ones with the aspirations. I am the one who wants to be. I am the one who wants to do.

I am the Pseudo-Middle Class. The Working Class Hero.

And I might be able to become like you. But you'll never become me.

A Homosexual's sincere apology

Disclaimer: Please note that the following is a letter written by a heterosexual individual, re-imagining himself in the shoes of a homosexual one. I repeat, the author is not homosexual. Even if he was, it's not like he gives a fuck about what you think.

Special thanks to Greeshma Rai. Hopefully this does some justice to what you believe in.

Dear fellow homophobes and heterosexual countrymen,

I write to you with deep regret and shame, on the account of being a homosexual individual. After all, that's what you want me to feel for being the person I am, right?

I was silent during all those years of being targeted, all those years of stereotypical insults and being ridiculed just for growing up in the same society as you. The same society that upholds the caste system, turns a blind eye to honor killings, kills the girl child at birth, and blames its women for being too 'astray' when they are raped. The same society which gave birth to the Kama Sutra, enjoys watching Sheila and Munni dance ever so conservatively on screen, watches porn movies in the Parliament, but considers sex as taboo. Yes, I should be ashamed of being myself in this glorious society. But for different reasons altogether.

I'm sorry, I don't know why I am this way; I really wish I did. I'm sure you have a very logical explanation of how you are straight and 'normal', but I'm sorry that I don't. I can assure you that I did not 'choose' to be this way. For the sake of my relatives, acquaintances, the Government and especially YOU, I wish I could become 'normal'. Unfortunately, I am not exposed to such advanced technology which could help me switch my sexual orientation. I've tried all the electronic stores, research centers and even Flipkart. But no luck.

I was born just like most of you, out of a mother's womb as a result of sexual intercourse between two completely heterosexual individuals. It just so happens that I turned out to be homosexual. If I ever have children, it isn't completely necessary that they will be homosexual too. Yes I really wish they are born 'normal' and 'cultured' like all of you, but I wouldn't be angry with them or hurt them if they happen to be homosexual like me.

Now, I understand you've watched Dostana, which is a profoundly accurate depiction of homosexuality and corresponding behaviour. However, there are quite a few ways in which I am different. First of all, I do wear colors other than pink, though I admit that I have quite a flair for fashion and know how not to dress like a homeless person. Secondly, I don't really like flowers. Yes it might appear so because I'm obviously delicate and fragile and therefore must like flowers. Sorry to disappoint you once again.

Thirdly, it's true that I like men. But it doesn't mean I jump on the first man I see on the road and start humping him. I believe in this little thing called 'mutual consent', which I'm not sure you're aware of. I agree, you're one step ahead of us, with all the groping and eve-teasing and raping. We might be lagging behind you in this department, and I don't think we'll ever be able to catch up to you.

Also, I do not hate women. On the other hand, I love and respect women a lot. I might not be able to always beat their offenders to pulp, but I know I will always stand up for them. With all that's happening in the country, they might not be as safe with me as they are with you, because you all really know how to make a woman feel safe on the streets, in the night, in the buses, in the trains, in the schools, colleges and every other public place.

Many of you might believe that I'm against God and that the 'western culture' has influenced our choices and thought process, and is the reason of our homosexuality. I try not to make it obvious or evident, but I go to the same churches, the same mosques and the same temples as you do. And unfortunately, I don't have the power to spread my religion like you do and get more followers under my wing. We haven't come up with an effective conversion strategy as of today.

A lot of my countrymen work in call-centres and BPOs, often pretending to be Americans with a completely genuine-sounding American accent. Some of them go club-hopping every night without knowing what music really is, some of them want to splurge in Las Vegas without knowing the state in which it is in, some of them swear by vegetarian hot dog and hamburgers, and some of them use no other phone other than an iPhone as it takes 'awesome pictures'. Indeed, all of these and so many other instances are not at all influences of Western culture. Me and people of my kind are the ones extremely influenced by it and we try everyday to rid ourselves of this transformation. We rinse ourselves everyday with Gangajal and chant hymns and prayers to cleanse our impure souls and I believe we're making progress.

All I ever asked for was to be myself in my own country, to be able to love and be loved and to uphold my identity. How would you feel if you wake up one day, and suddenly it's a crime to be a heterosexual individual? What if someone tells you that it's a crime to love a person of the opposite sex, that you could go to prison for having sex with someone you love? You have been brought up and been living a certain way all your life, and suddenly it's all a lie. Suddenly, you no longer know who you are and you begin doubting your own identity. People like me have already been living in the fear of coming out, the fear of not being accepted by all of you. And a couple of months ago, it has suddenly become a crime to be ourselves. Our beloved Supreme Court which has always been spot-on with regard to delivering judgements on time, stayed true to the current year of 1860 and reinstated the glorious Section 377 rule. While some of the political parties among you have expressed an opposition to this judgement, it is surprising that the most probable candidates for Prime Minister-ship have adopted pure golden silence. The ones who hitherto grab every controversy by its head and publicly declare their opinion, now suddenly have nothing at all to say. A lot of you even want the leader of this party to be the next PM, and according to his promises and his stature, he is expected to come in support of minority groups, especially ones like mine. This says a lot about our next PM, and all of you who believe in him. It says a lot about our democratic nation, where everyone has the freedom to do, say or express anything. Agreed, I am asking for too much when I want to be physically intimate with a man, which would result in the horrendous act of anal sex. While many of you occasionally enjoy raping your children, stick metal rods down a woman's vagina which results in her death, put your penises inside a baby, it is indeed unfair of me to express my love to another man. After all, it's all about sex, isn't it? I sincerely apologize and vow to never indulge in such acts, even within the privacy of my bedroom and the beautiful hotels and well-lit lodges of our democracy where no one can see me. I know you're watching me and would never take the risk. As mentioned earlier, I'm sorry because I spoke about sex even after knowing it's such a taboo in our democracy.

My fellow countrymen, please understand that it has been a very long struggle for me and people like me to come out of the closet, to our family and friends. As much as try to avoid it, there are some things which we can't keep within us for too long in the fear of us exploding/imploding. Not just the people we know, but even some of the political parties have tried to help us and warn us about our disease and have prayed for us to be cleansed. Yes, there are many ways to try and eradicate our disease but they have hence proven unsatisfactory, or resulted in people like me committing suicide. We are tired of asking to be accepted. We are tired, but again we are just getting started. All we ask for is our basic right to survive and co-exist, if not be accepted immediately. As weak as you consider us to be, it wouldn't take us a long time to form a rebellion and force you into giving us our basic right to live. It wouldn't take too long to procure weapons from your arms sources or wield swords and hunt for your blood. It wouldn't take long to throw down a Government or wreak havoc and riots on the streets and destroying public property as well as innocent lives. It wouldn't take too long to step inside a heterosexual and 'normal' zone and beat the fucking shit out of every one present there.

But then again, we are not like you. There would be no difference between you and I. I know, we can never be equals, anyways. And in this context, I will never aspire to be the same as you.

Jai Hind.

Flappy Bird: The Creator, the Destroyer and Rajnikanth.

Around a week after Flappy Bird spread its wings for the first time(no pun intended) on Google's Play Store, it scaled new and unimaginable heights(no pun intended again) as it became the #1 game in 53 different countries. It wasn't just a game anymore: it was a revolution. At every corner of the digital sphere, at every social gathering or even at my own workplace, people were glued to their smartphone screens, screaming and slapping their foreheads every 10 seconds. I hadn't played it yet, and borrowed a friend's phone to see what the fuss was about.

As I watched that ugly little obnoxious bird dying the same death over and over again, I felt transported into the screen and shortly after which I lost track of time and space. Only after about 10 minutes did I snap out of that trance, thanks to a co-worker's incessant demand to play next. I gave it up, and observed a majority of my colleagues hooked to their phones, oblivious to the work scheduled for the day.  It was astonishing to see how a simple, silly game could have such a cultural impact and became an inevitable part of people's lives for a few days.

The next day, I, like millions around the world came to know that the creator of this addictive phenomenon, Dong Nguyen had decided to take the game down from iOS and Android apps stores. Everything came to a standstill as there was a resonating wave of silent 'WTF's around the planet.

To say that Flappy Bird was a 'success' would be an understatement. It raked in over 50 Million Downloads and 48,000 ratings. In terms of moolah, the creator was set to receive $50 million from a single banner.

If he wanted, Dong could have let things go the way they were going, let his bank savings multiply in millions, and wouldn't have to work another day in his life. Instead, he decided to end the madness that had been taking shape when every single reporter wanted a piece of him. He realized that the game had become 'too addictive', and also had an adverse effect on his 'simple life'. He kissed all that fame, success and money goodbye, with just a single tweet to his followers.



When I was trying to analyze why exactly this happened and why someone would do something like this, I have no clue, but an image of Rajinikanth popped up in my head.


Being one of the most prolific icons in the world and probably the biggest element of India's pop culture, Rajinikanth's beginning was nowhere close to where he is today. Before he became a Superstar, Rajini was nothing more than a flashy bus conductor in Bangalore. During his years of struggle, he slept in dingy lodges and went days without meals. And when he finally did achieve stardom, he couldn't handle it. Working on 3-4 different films in a single day, Rajinikanth slept for less than an hour a day and succumbed to drugs and alcohol to keep him going. For a brief period, Rajinikanth was also called a crackpot, a madman because of the pressure and stress he was under.

And suddenly, one fine day, he decided to turn his life around. He never left cinema, but decided to do only one film at a time and spend more time with his family. He wore simple clothes, simple slippers and kept his private life private. He avoid wearing any kind of make-up or wigs to public functions. After every film he completes, he took off on a pilgrimage to the Himalayas. Alone.

With his tremendous influence on people around the world and especially South India, coupled with the political undertones and parallels in every dialogue in every film he stars in, Rajinikanth could have easily entered politics as a standalone party and no other politician would even stand a chance against him for as long as he's alive. But being the epitome of simplicity, keeping in mind the greater good and his own simple life at stake, Rajinikanth has always refused to enter politics, and still does so. It is this humility and the power to stay rooted that makes this man the Superstar he is.

Agreed, it is difficult to handle fame and success, and one can easily get mindfucked into losing their identity in the limelight. But what's more difficult is the ability to handle the limelight and keep your identity, your principles, your roots and your life intact. The real challenge is to know what and who you were before you become famous. The bigger challenge is to surround yourself with the people who knew you before you were famous, because 90% of the people who you meet after that would be around just to get a piece of you, for strictly materialistic reasons. As much as all of us think that money and fame can get us anything, it's quite the opposite. Our lives become constantly under the scanner, and everything we do is governed by what people think of us. Millions who follow, but not a single soul you can talk to, confide in. And with those millions worshipping you from below, it's pretty fucking lonely at the top.

There are very few people in the world who realize that the grass is indeed not greener on the other side. Dong Nguyen is one of them. He might've created a rage that would make him a millionaire overnight, but he decided to not be lured by the illusion of money and the greed for power, and ended it all. While hustlers around the world are now selling 'Flappy Bird-installed phones' for thousands of dollars, he is now happy to return to his life pre-Flappy Bird, and is probably happy enjoying a bowl of ramen watching a Hanoi sitcom. He did it for the people who he made it for, as well as for himself.

Of course, he confirmed that he will continue to develop games for people to love all the world.

The grass is greener where you water it.